oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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