frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
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