i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
We talked him into tasing himself.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
