I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize