Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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