I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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