I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
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I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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