Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize