We tried having a conversation with our noses.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
