i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
