Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
