Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
