I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
