the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
