k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
