Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
