There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
