Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Never joke about your clitoris.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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