what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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