I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Randomize
