if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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