I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
