I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
