If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
