Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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