Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
