I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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