there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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