They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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