I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
