the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
