Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
