im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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