if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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