Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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