Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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