She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
