i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
