i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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