What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
