guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
