How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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