i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
