Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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