i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
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Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
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Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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