i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
