He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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