I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize
