the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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