I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
