I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
