Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
