Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
