Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
