How'd it feel making her break her religion?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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