Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
