We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
