Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
