Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
