Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
