Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
