I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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