Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize