I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Randomize
