he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
