mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
do herpes really smell.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Text me some of your sweat
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