I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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