My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
