kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
