Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
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He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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