The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Your cock deserves a montage
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
