Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
