Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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