Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
