I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
